Ich....ehh bin ein Berliner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH6nQhss4Yc

Kennedy you hero.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/55/150655135_a145efc289.jpg?v=0

Above is the Potsdam rhino. I really love the statue,it is so utterly ridiculous and random that I cant help but chuckle every time I go past it. I love the idea of these deadly serious German punters hanging it in the main square,for the whole world to see,some where deep down suspecting the whole thing is some hideous joke.

Living in Germany has been an incredible experience so far. Each day starts at the ungodly hour of 7am for German classes which last until one o'clock. Despite the teachers efforts to drown us in a sea of Akkusatives, Datives and the most tedious grammar imaginable the mix of Russian,Asian,Africa,and South American students ensures plenty of laughs and those awkward,embarrassing conversations so important in learning a language. On my second week I announced to my ever indulging girlfriend that I wanted to talk to her in only German for the next few days. After around an hour I realised unless she enjoyed being regaled by my very Irish pronunciation of the German alphabet and listing of household items I would need to revise my bold statement. So while I do not yet have a "German" personality, I am operating almost solely in German and hope that I will reach this level over the next few months. I was lucky enough to find work almost on arrival, and spend 2-5 teaching in a local language school. The classes are one to one with students who have little or no English and as result the work is quite rewarding as they appear to be learning a lot more than they probably actually are.

Occasionally a hand will pop into my head where I wonder how I managed to check the turn and stack off on the worst river in the deck, or how I could have put in 300 bbs drawing deader than dead. I have spent some time reading gambling literature and the more I read the more I question whether the winners in poker are actually REALLY winning or does the lifestyle and its effects on ones persona ultimately put too much at risk. Poker is full of highs and lows. I have experienced both. The time Half-baked put me,robbing communal food broke, in a game in Star and 7 days later having 8k is no match for the 2 full days I spent in bed after doing the bananas in Nz.

Not by a long stretch. I need to remember that every day.

03.34 AM..........Poker

It is strange the amount of time I spend thinking about poker. It is scary the amount of time I spend thinking about poker.

I am not sure what has possessed me to write this. To be honest I had basically written the blog off as indulgent nonsense, sickeningly self obsessed and without any real merit. In the world of poker blogs, much like the surreal alternate universe that is poker,no one ever loses.

At work.........poker.......lying in bed..........poker.............reading a book.............poker................swimming.........poker...... failing to get on the end of a cleverly weighted through ball.........poker................Christmas dinner............poker..............talking to family and friends..........BOOM poker.........

I sometimes wonder if I actually never stop thinking about the game and the rest just fills in the gaps. Jesus. I hope not.

I am back on poker time after covering the IPC for the last few days. Poker time is different from any other time zone in the world,a world where you can wake up at 2pm on a beautiful summers day and mash the snooze button like its wet,grey and 6am on December the 21st.

It is great to feel like a poker player. Clever enough to make money,on your own time,your own boss. I wonder whether this is why I am involved in reporting at events,to feel involved like I'm still playing. Jesus. I hope not.
I hope it is because I enjoy the game-the ACTUAL game,not the larger than life geniuses who play it. It seems like poker rewards bumbling idiots like nothing else in the world. The loud, obnoxious fat guy is a star at the table. Really? No....really? I'm not sure..........

It is said that poker is a good game if you like people. Poker has so,so many that are very hard to like. They thrive in the fake, testosterone filled atmosphere which creates them. They tell you how much they have won,how bad everyone else is. Nobody ever loses.

There are good people,young guys who have been brought up in a way that ensures they remain humble despite great success. Old guys who understand the game for what it is,smile and nod silently when they lose a ridiculous hand and play the next without hysterics. Those who have managed to control the poker ego....................real poker players.

Hopefully one day I can become one.............

If you go down to the woods today.........

Poker has a sense of humour.

"Put up a queen and its all over!" Sound familiar? She did. She put up the shiniest, most hideous queen I have ever seen. Medusa herself couldn't have hurt me more. In that moment I was done with poker. Never again. Ever.
The trainer of the legendary Rocky Marciano claims to recall the exact moment he knew his boxer was through with the sport. Rocky complained about the odour of the gym. His trainer knew. Rocky never fought again.
In that moment, when that sickly queen smiled at me I knew I was through with poker. Yeah.

Like I said, poker has a sense of humour.

I remember laughing and joking about a guy we called "wages". Every Friday cometh the hour cometh the man. He was like clockwork. He lost. Like clockwork.

Two oners. Eight ponies. A stack of skydivers. My army of brave little warriors sent once again towards the massacre. Wages.

I started well. Boards poker forum deleted from favourites list. Dramatic farewell blog, good good. Poker sofware no more. Credit union account no atm card. Perfect.

Friday lunch time. Delicious. Sandwiched between Ali, Stormin and Marius. Somehow I'm back - me and the whole battalion. Five hundred brave, loyal warriors ready to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.

I find KK. Raise. Reraise. Reraise.
"Do you have it Marius?" Of course he has it you moron,he always has it. Thoughts of surving next week on the case tenner are interupted only by a distant chirping. "You have the aces too?"......you genius.

A freindly face at the window. The case King-the absolute last in the deck, miracle of miracle Kings. I hold. The troops arrive home, proud and cocky once again oblivious how close they were to to the slaughter.

This Saturday. Jacks cash league. The teddybears picnic.

Poker has a sense of humour.

Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery,you hungover drones.

"Why am I trying to become what I dont want to be? What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuos begging fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say who I am"

Eh........trying to get out of it Willy. Obviously.

I had heard hushed, conspiratol whispers about working in the civil service .True, all true. There is great scene in Father Ted where the late Dermot Morgan details the daily routine to a new arrival in the parochial house - ''Meals are at 10, 11, 12, 12.30, 2, 3, 4 and sure if you get hungry Mrs Doyle will fix you something" You get the idea. The work gets done but in a manner most acceptable to a man of my disposition.

10bb per hour. My winrate in the new game. Working.....winning.

I have become very aware of a few things since returning home. I am now 24. I have yet to embark on a career as such. My CV is littered with gaps and little meaningful work experience. Living right is a time honoured phrase heard across poker tables. Time to live right. Time to grow up.

I have flirted with the idea of a career in teaching and enjoyed a two month spell working in Alpha School of English with a brilliant group of adult pupils - learning them how to speaki the Engli I guess you would call it.
Ultimately I doubt I have that passion for the job that seperates the really good teachers from those motivated more by the summer holidays than anything else.
I have an interview for a position as junior diplomatic officer this month. One time. That failing I'll be going back to college to do a masters of some sort-the perfect hiding place for a sicko.

Finding the cure. This is how one of Dublins finest described working. I'm not sure I agree totally, but I know what he means. You need money to play poker. This is obvious. What is not as obvious is just quite how much you need. You need enough that the right play is all that matters, even if that means firing five hundred bananas on the river when a careless dealer forgets to get you there. When this represents your weekly wage it is not so easy.

Poker in many ways is a hugely complicated game. The basics which allow you some chance of winning should be relatively simple. The lines between gambling and poker should be visible at all times. The money you use should not be something you cant afford to lose. There is no room in poker for fear. It should not be used as a means of distracting yourself from problems you face in real life. It should not be an escape. Lessons learnt the hard way. That said not everyone learns from their mistakes.

I am aware that this reads like the diary of some deranged misanthrope but for the first time in a long time poker and perhaps more importantly gambling are not my main priority in life.
This, I would guess is probably a good thing.

AMEN.

http://www.bluffmagazine.com/magazine/You-are-BAD-at-Poker-Phil-Galfond-735.htm



Your not wrong Phil, not wrong at all.



Busto. No good. Broke. Lootless. Potassium defecient.



An epic failure. The only way to describe my latest effort to adapt to the harsh terrain that is online poker. It is said that the path to hell is paved with good intentions, in my case it should say the path to Rutlands.



My rules, laughable and wildly over-optimistic, were broken one by one.

Drunkenly,I mashed my way to a two-buyin loss on my debut last Friday night. The next day bored, hungover and offended to be losing playing the torturously slow .25.50 games I loaded the gun and played Russian roullete with my bankroll.



The last week has seen me play everything from .25.50 to 4/4 plo to 10/10 nlh. I had the case money in front of me no less than 7 times and remarkably mananged to run well enough until today,when inevitably I got it in bad, this time without the miraculous fairytale ending. Time of death.



Already the self deciet and denial begin. Next time it will be different. Next time I'll.............



My evolution as a poker player has followed a familiar and well trodden path. It started, like many I suspect, sat at a freinds kitchen table playing wildly and having a lot of fun. I've been the naive student bemoaning his bad luck as his last 50 euro is outdrawn by some ridiculous hand or other. I've been the random barperson arriving wages in hand, ready to gamble eight hours work on the turn of a card. The brash young winner, armed with an unwarranted and foolish arrogance - tick. The exhausted regular, losing but buying in deep on strict instructions from his fragile ego- Yep.

What will I be next? I dont know. I do know Im not happy being some degenerate loitering on the rail, the type of guy you dont want to talk to incase he taps you up for some money. I want to get back to where I was, when poker wasnt just a way to gamble recklessly, when I really wanted to master the game, when I worked hard on improving and wasnt on some sort of perpetual tilt, one beat away from a blowup.

Anyone have directions!?

The Live Ones.

The term "live" in poker is an insulting one. It is generally used to describe a player who plays a lot of hands. The live one plays fast and figures to be a loser unless Lady Luck smiles down in his favour. Games are built around the live one.

I often think that many who play poker, predominantly online, consider all regular "brick and mortar" players as the live one. To some extent, I suppose, it’s a fair assumption to make. Playing live is certainly an acquired taste. For a live one there is nothing more enjoyable than that first sickly peek. Ace duece off. No good. Muck. It begins. It doesn’t matter that they may not get to play a hand again for a full ten minutes. It doesn’t even matter that they may not get a playable hand for the next two hours. Its about the anticipation of the next hand, it’s about the riffling of the chips and the feel of the felt as they squeeze together what they hope will be, in Irish poker parlance, "the pointy fellows". For those with this particular affliction, Ireland’s poker capital Dublin has a rich and varied selection of games to choose from.

The Sporting Emporium located off Grafton Street and surrounded by a plethora of hip and trendy pubs and clubs is one of Dublin’s newest and most popular casinos. As you approach the Casino itself, it becomes clear that it’s trying to attract a very specific crowd. It sparkles against the night sky; as a top hat wearing, finely suited gentleman opens the doors and bows as you approach. Once inside the beautifully decorated interior screams class, or at least tries to. The gaming floor is manned by stunning dealers wearing glamorous gowns, fit for the run ways of Milan or Paris.
Bah - poker players care not for such things. The action? Good, very good. The emporium game plays larger than any of Dublin’s Holdem games by a long way. Occasionally a 5-10 no limit game will break out, as the regulars try to outdo each other in building stacks that only very few of their bankrolls can manage. Despite the juicy action and the superb management by the card room staff, there is something a little cold about the Emporium’s card room. It is clear that the thoughts and feelings of poker players are far from the minds of the bigwigs who have the real control. The card room itself is sometimes shut, with little or no notice given, to accommodate for some corporate event. Also be warned if you’re planning on putting in a mammoth session, you better pack an apple, as unfortunately food is totally off the menu. The bottom line however, is if your looking for deep stacked action the cardroom in the Sporting Emporium is a must.

The Jackpot, or simply "Jacks" as its regulars know it, is about as far removed from the relative sophistication of the Emporium as you can get. Its bright Neon light peeks out from an alleyway just off Camden Street and come the weekend it becomes the epicentre of all sorts of poker related debauchery and degeneracy. As the name hints if you enter the cardroom, it’s to gamble, madly, recklessly, spontaneously. The first thing that greets you is every pokers player’s sworn nemesis-a big, shiny, perpetually spinning roulette wheel. A somewhat cynical move but that’s all part of the charm of this small little room - it offers no apologies. It is what it is. More specifically it’s drunken, messy, fast, chaotic action. Only in Jacks could one of Irelands best young internet players literally dance and jive their way across the table only to receive a firm WARNING from the managers; Dukie, Sarah and Mary-Ellen - all of whom do a terrific job. The beauty of the jackpot is that from all the madness there occasionally sprouts a really good game, suddenly its 11am on Sunday morning and everyone is playing 500 big blinds deep. Sarah is on her way with breakfast rolls!

Al Alvarez’s brilliantly atmospheric book chronicled the "biggest game in town", as Las Vegas grew into the poker capital of the world. The Fitzwillain Card Club, off Merrion Square, hosts Dublin’s equivalent. Luke Ivory’s iconic final table speech has come and gone but the big game has remained. The 100 Omaha game is the biggest regular game in Dublin, bar none. The towering stacks of Tony Cooney, relentlessly being pushed forward, have to be seen to be believed, as he does battle with the same cast of usual suspects each and every Friday and Saturday night. For any young poker player growing up in Dublin, this is where you’re sat when you let your imagination run wild. I wish you good luck, wherever you end up the next time you feel the urge to take on the live ones.

And what if I had lost heart then,what if I had not dared risk it...

"How you are friend" Hussy . My favourite degenerate.

The jackpot was exactly as I remembered it-the same faces, seemingly playing the exact same stacks they were when I left 7 months ago. The same excited, messy, drunken hub of activity - not a lot changes in poker I guess.



Thats live poker, the knowing glances and nods, the "hows it going sicko?"
the lingo, the banter. These are the very things that depress the holy bejesus out of me when Ive just played for going on three days, losing and am entering what I like to call stroke territory. Funnily enough, I never worry about it too much if I winning.




I am a live junkie, Ive accepted it, Im also however a total poker fanatic.
Something is going to have to give because ultimately I want to be good at the game,to get better at the game. I read a lot of poker articles and it amazes me the amount of times I read successful players saying "I actually dont even like the game, I just want to get the monies and never play another hand again". When people say how they are struggling to play enough hands its just something I cant relate to or understand.

If I do want to succeed Im going to have to really really work at it. I think my game may of actually regressed over the last 12 months. Ive made all the usual mistakes-Ive rarely played sober or rested(this follows the Kev Maloney school of thought who stauchly refuses to play Holdem sober), Ive gambled on pretty much everything I figured I was a decent shot to lose on, Ive had the walk around bankroll, taken shots at games way above my loots, done my level best to become a loser basically.

Im going to try and make some changes which will at least give me a shot at getting ahead. Theres a 100 Fitz Omaha regular who once told me that he carries around a little scrap of paper on which he has ten rules that he knows he needs to follow to have any chance of winning. Obviously discipline isn't my strongest asset so Im only going to make three. 1) Dont play drunk-2) only play in games where I have 25 buyins plus 3) no indulging house games.

In reality this will mean not being able to play the SE game for a while, a game which I think you need at least 20k to be optimally bankrolled. Such is life. I know a lot of the online guys cant undertand the appeal in playing these games- playing a guy like Murat with 400+bb is as a fellow sicko would say-the sweetness-LITERALLY. I once played a 4 handed 5-10 game in the SE with red Ned, a tilted Simon Kelly and Murat. There IS money to be made in these games-perhaps its just as well that the better players dont consider ot worth their time.

Poker is a great man for humouring and indeed encouraging self deceit and Mittyesque illussions of grandeur and this is something I have been guilty of myself. Online there is nowhere to hide-theres no sticking a duece on red and then pretending your even for the night. If your playing too many hands its there in black and white, and if your losing your not " about even- would be winning a monkey but Mick caught a flush three hands to go".

Im pretty much life busto at the moment so Ill be starting at .25.50 and hopefully will be able to confirm some coaching from a boardsie this week. This I hope will help me get a better grasp of poker software and the finer details of playing online which I have never really entertained in the past. Hopefully Ill be back at the tables soon but until then you know where I am-getting online! Good luck at the tables.